Oh my God. I hate the New Year time! I’ve lived on this God damn planet for about three decades and I hate that EVERY! EVERY New Year’s Eve is full of stupid nonsensical people wanting to make New Year’s resolutions and later only to fall back on their bad habits. Finally, get frustrated about life and start drinking or go back to the exact same habit that they wanted to run away from in the first place.

I am going on ranting about this like I’ve never done this. I am  procrastination royalty. Of course I have been absolutely guilty of squashing my will power with a higher power that was food that killed my resolution to be healthy. I’ve squashed my resolution of reading more books by piling on hours and hours of YouTube, Instagram, Facebook and Television. Anyway. Why am I talking about these gullible people? Because that’s who we all are. That’s our genetic make-up. We’re elitist Eukaryotes.

Calling upon my Microbiology education, I can relate to this much better than others. I think everyone will relate to this when they know what Amoeba are. So, the Amoeba are the shapeless, almost colorless, shameless organisms that stand for absolutely nothing. They just want to survive.

You try to drown them, you can’t! They just take in the excess water, bloat up and simply spit out the water when you’re done trying to drown them. You try to punch them, they develop a hard shell.

You say “No more pizza for you, Amoeba”. It’ll survive on Burgers or fruit or bread or mud! Or even god damn sand! And sand is essentially nothing! You put the food far away from them, they grow these friggin’ blatant legs from all across their bodies and just crawl to the food like rubbish prokaryotes. You cut out their legs, they grow new ones. When you literally take out the substratum from beneath them, they fucking clump together and form spores with their other Amoebic Bros and fly to their food.

Fuck you Amoeba. Have some honor! Die Already! You cut them into half, well, they’ll be more than happy because you just made their job easier. You were trying to kill one? Now you have two to kill, you fucking moron! They can double their population in approximately 30 minutes. And now, they take over a gun and ask you, “Who you trynna kill madafaka!?”

If Amoeba gets into your system, you are done for. It’s a God damn Prokaryote. The only way you can kill them is if you tear out their cell walls and break the inner system to finally let them R.I.P.

Eukaryotes are the elite cells that need food, water, temperature, pressure, emotions etc. in order to survive. Eukaryotes die if you say “boo”. Some of my brain cells just died.

Of course I am joking. But I am not joking about the resilience. 18th century scientists were so confounded by these buggers that some people may have even become serial killers for not having been able to kill these tiny creatures.

Look at evolution. Amoeba decided, hey let’s get together and make a bigger organism and the organisms grew bigger and bigger. They got mutated and evolved but they also got confined to smaller pockets of the earth. Like humans, we can survive only on land, only with oxygen. Our exoskeleton can bear only between 10 and 40 degrees. So, yeah. So much for eukaryotic pride.

We eukaryotic bundles are now afraid to go back into the water because these prokaryotes will eat us alive. From the inside. LITERALLY.

If Amoeba were left alone, it would probably have just died of a common cold. But Amoeba didn’t know it was capable of facing so many adversities until someone took a petri dish and decided, “Hey, let’s see what this shit can do.”

Biology lesson over. Take a second and look back on this year. What all did you overcome? I don’t need to tell you. It might seem like no one’s noticing, but people are. You just need to be big enough and resilient enough for long enough. And it happens to all of us. Someone somewhere is going to say, “Hey, this guy is like Amoeba! Doesn’t give up, doesn’t die. Promote his ass”. Amoeba is like that monkey that bit the tiger’s tail and ran away. It likes to take risks because it knows it can get away with it or at least die trying.

Even though sometimes we are led to believe that being “specialized” or sticking to a particular path in life is necessary, that’s just eukaryotic bullshit. You do what you need to survive.

“I will start playing music on the 1st of January. I will lose 25 kilos until the 31st of December 2017” Why does it have to be the 1st for everything? Is it a magical number that makes everything okay? And if 1st means so much, doesn’t it mean that it’s going to be the toughest to achieve?

This year, I laid the ground work of going back to my prokaryotic self. Not in January not on the 1st of any month… In June. On the 23rd. It wasn’t even a Monday. Nor was it in the morning. I started a blog, I went on a complete health spree, I became an Amoeba. I learned to conquer temptation, I learned to conquer fear, I learned to conquer pain. Not by doing giant civilized eukaryotic things that I could post on Social media. By doing micro things every day that made my life better every week.

So it’s not important when you start. Buts important that you do.

BE LIKE SHAMELESS AMOEBA. Bite that tiger on the tail and run like hell. You’ll either survive or die. You’ll either be peaceful that you tried OR be peaceful coz you were trying when you died. If you get away with it, try biting a bigger animal next time.